Soul SiStories
Soul SiStories was born out of a mutual desire to bring forward hope and healing through sharing our lived experiences. Hope is embracing life despite adversity. Hope is our reason.
Soul SiStories
Hope After Tremendous Loss: Kelsey Rhebergen
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One honest sentence at the right time can keep someone alive. That’s the thread we keep coming back to with Kelsey Rhebergen, a music education college student who has lived through profound grief and still shows up for school, work, teaching, and the people she loves.
Kelsey shares her grief journey in a way that’s both tender and direct: depression and suicidal ideation in her early teens, the role of music and theater as a lifeline, and the moment at a choir camp when a simple act of kindness helped her choose to stay. From there, we talk about the sudden death of her older brother Cole, the reality of complicated grief when relationships are messy, and how resentment and guilt can sneak into everyday life when you’re trying to survive trauma and loss.
Just as important, we dig into what actually helps. Kelsey names mentors who invested in her future, scholarship support that changed what was possible, and the drive to pay it forward by teaching and mentoring others. We also move through a rapid-fire round that gets surprisingly deep, from “What color is hope?” to her personal take on the meaning of life: love and empathy, shown while you still can.
If you’re navigating grief support, coping with loss, or trying to find hope after a death in the family, this conversation offers real language for what you might be feeling and practical reminders of what matters. Subscribe, share with someone who needs it, and leave a review so more people can find these stories of hope.
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Welcome And Kelsey’s Story
SPEAKER_01Welcome to Soul Sisteries.
SPEAKER_03We just had a really great conversation with Kelsey Rayburgen, who just shared with us a little bit about kind of her grief journey, but also finding hope amid um, you know, trauma and loss. And it was just a very beautiful discussion with a young woman.
SPEAKER_01So deeply moved. I know everybody else will be listening, everyone. Hey everyone, welcome. We're so glad you're here. We're here with Kelsey Rayburgen. Kelsey is a college student studying music education. And full disclosure, I've known Kelsey since she was a tween when she and my own son had leading roles in 13 the musical. I would consider Kelsey a musical prodigy, certainly a very gifted natural talent. But that's not expressly why she's here. Kelsey, like my son, has experienced profound loss in her life. While in high school, her elder brother Cole died suddenly. And just months ago, Kelsey's father also died after a long illness. We're here to talk about living with and through profound grief. Kelsey, welcome. Welcome.
SPEAKER_08Thank you for having me. It's so great to be here.
SPEAKER_01It is lovely to have you. And so everybody knows I love this girl and uh feel like I've known you all your life, and uh, we have a lot of um really strong connections. And you and my son Joey, who Joey and Kelsey are also very good friends. Um he loves you so, so much too. And you guys have so many weird parallels, right, in your lives, also. I mean, the losses of your only sibling, your elder brother, your dog's Molly, your father's heart conditions. And I'm so sorry about your dad passing just recently.
unknownThank you.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, my heart is with you, Kelsey.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. So, yeah, we want to talk to uh Kelsey a little bit about really what brings you here to this point in your life where you are um, you truly are living your life despite these extraordinary challenges that you've had. But you are you are a full-time student, you work, you teach other students, you are musically directing in shows, you are teaching choirs, you are fully engaged with friends and family. Tell us a little bit about your journey, where you started, and how what you feel has brought you here to this day, embracing life as you do.
Depression And Not Wanting Life
SPEAKER_08Well, I would say that a lot of where I started comes from a place of actually not wanting to be here. And so when I I want to say that when I was maybe 12 or 13, I started being like very depressed, and it was a very big part of my journey throughout my teenage years trying to navigate um just the internal emotions that we have as humans every day.
SPEAKER_07Um so I started in a place that I didn't want to be here.
SPEAKER_08And the only thing that I really could connect to or use to get through the day was theater, was music, were these mediums that allowed me to be proud of myself.
SPEAKER_06Yeah.
SPEAKER_08And so when I was a sophomore, a sophomore going into junior year was probably my lowest point. And there was a time that I like I was going to leave. I was planning on it, I knew how I was going to do it, and there was one thing that let me not do that. There was a timeline, and there was a bump in that timeline, and it encouraged me to just keep going on and keep fighting and living my life how it was going. Um, and I actually felt a lot of guilt about the way that I had lived my life up until that point because I kept almost wishing I wasn't here until I would until the following year when I was 17 and I started almost aggressively wishing for so much more life. And I really wanted to leave the way that I was feeling behind and start new enjoying every moment. And that happened to be the week that my brother died. And so a part of that I I've lost two very close people in my family. Now it's just me and my mom from a family of four to two. Um, and both of my losses were very, very different.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_08And the way that I was grieving and have been grieving are very, very different experiences. And I think that some of it with my brother begun in a place of guilt because I had been wishing it for so long, and then it happened upon him.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_08Um so then I had my whole grieving journey with him.
SPEAKER_06Yeah.
SPEAKER_08And then suddenly, just this past March, I was like, I'm the happiest I've ever been. Everything, I really like who I'm becoming. I love the way that I view life. I am very happy and content with the world that I have built for myself.
SPEAKER_07And then my dad suddenly succumbed to his heart issues.
SPEAKER_06Yeah.
SPEAKER_08And now we're at a whole new stage. So that's kind of my journey throughout the ideas around death and grief so far.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. I want to ask a question and you don't have to answer it, of course. You had mentioned this timeline you had earlier in your life, and then there was this bump in it. There was a glitch in the process that kind of flipped a switch for you. Are you are you able to tell us what that was? Or and if you don't want to, you don't you don't have
The Comment That Triggered A Spiral
SPEAKER_03to.
SPEAKER_08Sure. Um, a mentor actually shared with me that they didn't think that I was capable of leadership in a way that really mattered to me. And that leadership was more in a musical sense and in a in a way that really touched me. And it started that downfall of, okay, well, if I'm not good enough of this, how am I going to do this? And that started a roller coaster just downhill for me for a couple of months. And so during that summer, because that comment was made during the school year to me, during that summer when I was alone and I didn't really feel like I had anybody to
Choir Camp And A Lifeline Moment
SPEAKER_08fall back on. Um, I had actually paid for this choir camp to go to. And I felt really, really bad about like, okay, well, my parents just paid a lot of money for me to go have this experience. So I might as well have this experience before I go. Um and then at that choir camp, I was unapologetically myself. And I really didn't do anything for anybody else because I didn't think I was going to be there at the end of the week. And in that week, they do this thing at the end where it's like a compliment chair where everybody kind of just yells at you like, hey, it was so nice to meet you, or I like the way you did your hair two days ago, just like random things. Um, but somebody somebody said a sentence that really resonated with me and really made me feel like, yes, this is this is worth it. You who I am without tailoring it to other people, I am worth it. And I think that that's something that I really hope that anybody going through a time like that can experience too. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. I love that because that is just um, you know, you you talked about just being at your lowest and then having just this little sliver that was able to give you hope and that you were able to flip the switch like that. And I think that is really because I think people listening might be looking for like, what is that like string of hope? Where do you find the hope? You know, that bird that's outside, that the one line that somebody says when they open the door for you and they say, Hey, your head looks beautiful, or I love your shirt, even right. It's just um, yeah, you don't know what's gonna make a difference. So I love to hear that.
SPEAKER_01And I think also just that saying the thing, so many people around others in any capacity, certainly in um moments of grief, is that oh, I don't know what to say, and then don't say anything, or have the thought about somebody else, this lovely thing to share and think it's inconsequential. It doesn't, whatever, and don't say the thing. A friend uh recently um lost his mother, and we were just discussing about what it how important it is, those people who just say a thing. Even it's even if it's I don't even know what to say right now. I just want you to know I'm thinking of you. I'm here. Um, we also talked about we don't generally want the even how are you, because then like don't don't make me think of a thing or have to give you a thing or answer a thing, but just saying that thing freely offered, it it it matters. Those things matter and we we don't even know. Kelsey, thank you so much for sharing that story, hun. It's um beautiful and very moving. Very moving.
Losing Her Brother And Complicated Grief
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And so then you kind of you went to the camp, you have this other idea of how you're gonna live your life, right? You're gonna approach things differently, you're gonna be unapologetically Kelsey, which is amazing. Yes. And then you lost your brother, right? That summer and went through what you went through over the last couple of years, just living your life and kind of figuring out who you are as this family of three. And then you lost your dad just a couple of months ago. And yet you are still showing up to be who you are and to be actively involved at school and with your music and as a teacher. And I'm curious how you do all of that with everything that comes at you.
SPEAKER_08Yeah, totally. I think there was a gap in between so my event took place in 2021, and then my brother passed away in 2022. And so I feel like I lived a whole year of navigating who I was at this age and what I valued and who I wanted to be. And when my brother passed away, it almost went 360 back in the other direction.
SPEAKER_07I didn't really know what I wanted.
SPEAKER_08I really struggled to navigate that grief because of also my relationship with my brother was not what most people would want for siblings. And so there was a lot of resentment and frustration to the world around me for grieving something in a different way than I was. Um, and I think that it's fully okay for you guys to be grieving this way, but for me, I need to get outside. I just want to be with my friends. I don't want to be thinking about this, I don't want to approach this head on. And I just want things to continue how they're going. And I think that it started off in a place of like, I want to continue living my life because I know like he's not gonna be back, anyways. Like, what am I gonna do? And then it started the resentment that I was having towards people who were also grieving him in different ways than I was, started coming off on the people around me as well. So as people would be like complaining about their siblings, I would start resenting them. Or if somebody else had a different form of loss that I felt, which is totally incorrect, was like a less valid form of loss. It was difficult for me to be empathetic towards them at that time because of the way that I was resenting my home environment. Yeah, and I feel like that is a really big regret that I have throughout my like senior year of high school, especially. Um and I feel like that is a big reason why I have this disconnect from my high school experience. Because even though things were great up until my junior year, it feels like that's not an environment I can come back to because I don't know the way that I had affected people during the time that I was feeling so resentful.
SPEAKER_06Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I hear you, Hannah, as somebody who was also, you know, there and on the outside of a lot of things. Um I guess one of the main things I want to say to you, and as and as an elder woman to a young woman also, let's have grace for the fact that throughout the totality of these experiences, you were a very young woman becoming and going through life's journey simply of the that that time. You know, to be a teenager is to be constantly in flux and constantly shape-shifting and evolving and hormonal. And I don't say that you know, pejoratively or flippantly, that that is a that is a real thing. That is a real thing, that kind of bombardment and this heavy, heavy loss. And when it is also so complex as to have challenged relationships, right? And then the loss there, and then there's the finality of the death. Um let's have some grace. Let's have some grace for this woman becoming. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we all we all do it messy, like we are, we are messy, and we gotta, we gotta love ourselves anyway, and hopefully have others who love us through that, as I will remind right now, as I love you and always will. So just saying that out loud for all the world to hear. Um, what a journey.
SPEAKER_03You know, the the three of us women sitting here together have all had significant loss, right? And um different loss, but significant, really life-altering loss. And and I think all of us still show up for life, which is you know, many people don't. I I think you've we've all had experience with others who have had significant loss. And when that person dies, they also die, right? Even though they're still here, they stayed. And so there's something in you, Kelsey, something that happened in that 21 year, which is it really interesting too, because that was right after the pandemic and the craziness we all went through during your high school years, right? And you come out the other side with this idea of my life's not ending, my life is just beginning, and I'm gonna live my life, and I'm gonna be whoever and whatever I am, and I'm gonna create this world that I want. And you've been able to continue to do that as you and you know, graduated from high school and entered college and started this past year career, which is pretty amazing, and you're doing it still today. And so I
Mentors Who Invest And Paying It Forward
SPEAKER_03guess I'm wondering like, what is the what is the voice in your head or who is it around you that to me it feels like you're your own kind of inspiration, at least to me. But you know, who who inspires you to keep going and to be whoever it is Kelsey is becoming?
SPEAKER_08I feel like a lot of people have invested in my future. And like Donna is one of them, Jesse, my family at the theater, um, my parents, especially my dad, with he was always so actively involved in like my music making and my like journey through music, and like gave me an entire room to create my like instrumental studio. Um the like my choir directors over the years, um, the people who have given me singing lessons just because they thought, you know what, I feel like I feel like this is gonna go somewhere, even though you can't afford it. Like I want the people who have invested their time into me have are really the people who have inspired me the most and impacted me the most. And it's very much in a place of paying it forward. Like these people do not have any obligation to give me their time, to give me really anything, and yet out of the kindness of their hearts, they decide to invest in me, whether it's financially or time. I'm currently on a full ride scholarship to Cal State Fullerton. Probably likely because of my um my college essays. I had some pretty good topics I could write about my senior year. Um but like those people who invested their money into my future based off of my life story, based off of very knowing very little about me just because that they knew that they wanted to put that into the world and to make sure that people keep graduating from college, those people have also been a big, big part of why I'm currently moving forward in the way that I am. Um and getting to build a connection with those people and see what they care about and because most of them are like at this point, like 70, 80 years old. Um and learn from no no Donna is not like getting close to it every day. Um but seeing the love that they have for the world, all of my mentors over the years, um I feel like is a big, big part of the reason why I keep pushing on.
unknownAnd
SPEAKER_01Also, let's note you in turn, a lot of your life today is in education and nurturing and mentoring others. You have students directly, you have choirs, you have musical theater, you have you are you are out there doing the thing where you are holding up the voices of others. Do you feel a compulsion in that way? Do you feel a joy in that way? What talk about that a little bit?
SPEAKER_08I I do feel like it is my duty to keep paying it forward in the same way that my mentors have. And I think that that's part of the reason why I have resonated with them the way that I have, is because I see the qualities in them that I want to replicate in myself. I want to feel that joy for life. And especially if people are feeling the way that I was feeling in like 2021 or the later half of 2022, I want to be able to support people in that sense.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_08I mean, that's amazing.
SPEAKER_01Go ahead.
SPEAKER_08I'm sorry. Go ahead. When actually when my brother died, I called 911 and my emergency contact, who was my family friend at the time, because my family was out of town. Um and after I had been removed from the body and everything starting to calm down, and they had just called my mom to let them know, to let her know what happened, Donna was actually the first person that I called outside of the people I had to call. And it's not, it wasn't because I felt like I had an obligation to share it with her. She wasn't my teacher. I didn't need to let her know, hey, I'm not gonna come into school tomorrow. It was a place of I know that this person knows how to help right now. This person has enough kindness and time in their heart to share that with me in a space that I don't know how to navigate right now. Yeah. And so I am my mentors mean a lot to me.
SPEAKER_01I'm profoundly removed and honored and um uh yeah, I will say that. I will say that, and I'm glad you knew to call. And I'm glad that I was there and could could be there, as others have done for me as well. And um, those acts, I think you would say, and I'm hearing it in what you're sharing, those acts of being there for others and answering that call literally and figuratively, is that is part of the well-being and the embracing life today, in and through the losses, right? In and through that profound grief. This is how, this is how we live and not just exist, this is how we embrace this experience that we have. Many people, um, when my when my son died, and I joined a lot of groups and grief groups for parents, and I heard so often from people, there were people sharing, you know, it's been five years, it's been 10 years, I feel exactly the same, I feel exactly the same. And there was something inside of me screaming, that cannot be life now. That cannot be my life, and that cannot be the end of my son's life, that this is just we just freeze like the little dinosaur fossils in amber, right? That it's just this moment and we're frozen here and that's it. And so, but I can't get over it, which is the other thing people say, you got to get over it and move on. Well, they're not getting over. You are changed, you are profoundly changed. We can't dispute that. So it's how am I going to move forward in this life that I have now? And my answer, and it's what you're sharing here too, is is the reaching out to others, paying it forward, holding up others, being there. So all of that then in turn fuels me, and and I'm able to embrace this life. That was a whole lot of words. But Kelvin. Yeah, go ahead. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah.
Younger Self Lessons On Teaching
SPEAKER_03I want to go back a little bit because you again talking about your younger years and how you were feeling. I and it sounds like you know, ninth grade, tenth grade was a little rough. So how would you at you know, 13-year-old, 12, 13-year-old, what would that child say to you today? What would they be thinking about you today? What would they, you know, want to say?
SPEAKER_07I I had a lot of different ideas of where I would be when I was younger.
SPEAKER_08I think and there's this trend on TikTok that popped up every couple of years where it's like uh imagine if you could have a whole conversation with a 15-year-old self, and then you have like you run through that whole conversation. And I actually did that once after my brother died. Um and it was almost like an idea where that wasn't the part that I was shocked at. Like I wasn't shocked that my brother wasn't there in the TikTok I had made all those years ago. I was more shocked at the way I responded to it. Like the biggest takeaway that I had when my brother passed away was that I wanted to be a teacher. That was the biggest thing that I had denied for years. I was like, I'm not gonna be a teacher. Like maybe I'll teach some music, but like I don't want to be a teacher, I want to perform. Um, and then upon my brother dying and finding out and seeing how I had reacted in that situation and knowing, hey, if somebody died in my classroom, like if somebody had a medical emergency, I would be able to take care of them in a way that I feel like a lot of other people would not be prepared for. And that is like a big reason why I decided to pursue teaching in general. And upon my dad's death, I the biggest thing that shocked me that even six months ago, I feel like I would not have been able to really resonate with is the idea of starting a family. As like when I was 13, for example, this is like the one that kind of directly answers where did I think I wouldn't be at 13, wanting to start a family, wanting to have a child. That mind explosion, I never thought that I would be at this point. Um but as I grew into having a family and then losing a family, yeah, I discovered the importance in it, yeah, and the things that I would want to continue from my parents' legacy and the things that ultimately we all would change from our parents' legacy. And I want to be able to live that kind of life that my dad had. I want to be able to see the world from the perspective that he had for the majority or for the entire time that I knew him.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. That's gorgeous. Um you uh you obviously know how proud your dad is of you. How proud he is of you. Wow. That's that's wonderful. So here we are, and I'm noticing the time, and I'm thinking we've kept you talking for a long while. We probably need to jump into our our fun little round of questions.
Rapid Fire On Hope And Meaning
SPEAKER_01Our rapid fire. Are you ready to move into that?
SPEAKER_07Let's do it.
SPEAKER_01Do it. Okay, we start with this is a good one for you. You're walking out on that stage or out to the mound to throw the first pitch, whatever it is. What's your walk-in song?
SPEAKER_08I would want to walk out to the song from Bolt, Barking at the Moon. Oh, that's a good one.
SPEAKER_01That's a really good one. And that is another you and Joey thing in common, too. Oh my god, he loved that movie.
SPEAKER_05That's so good.
SPEAKER_03That's great. What book changed you?
SPEAKER_08Oh. I recently read the book Mouse by Art Spiegelman. I am not a big reader, but that one really kept kept me there the whole time.
SPEAKER_04That's a good one.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. All right. What movie lives rent-free in your brain?
SPEAKER_08I could probably recite every single world world word from the Fall in Our Stars.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_05Also a good one about grief.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Yeah. What did you love doing as a little kid that you still love doing today?
SPEAKER_08Bothering my parents.
SPEAKER_01There you go. So good. Also, full disclosure, Kelsey's mom is a good friend of mine. And a wonderful person, one of my favorites. Okay. Uh, what is lighting you up right now?
SPEAKER_08Currently, this big window and a lamp on my right.
SPEAKER_00That is a very common answer.
SPEAKER_03What color is hope?
SPEAKER_00Ooh, purple. Nice. What does hope sound like? A vibraphone. Okay, I'm gonna have to look up vibraphone.
SPEAKER_03I'm like, what's a vibrophone? Yeah, I don't know that one, so we both have to look it up soon. Well, I was gonna ask, what is the meaning of life?
SPEAKER_01Ooh, okay.
SPEAKER_08Oh this on the in the quick answer part? Yeah, it's not really um I think that it is whatever you make it out to be. I'm a big believer in everybody has different ways to get through everything, and everybody has uh different beliefs, and even within the same like even if you look in like a church, for example, everybody has a different idea and interpretation of the way that uh people talk about comfort and talk about getting through things. And I think that that individual idea of what's gonna happen, what do you need to do to get there is the meaning of life.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_08Um, I think personally for myself, it's love and empathy for the people around you, um, and showing that before you don't have an opportunity to anymore.
SPEAKER_05Right.
SPEAKER_01That is um some profundity right there. That was beautiful. Thank you. Thank you for that, Kelsey. So, what in your world
Support System And Where To Connect
SPEAKER_01is giving you hope right now?
SPEAKER_08I have a really good support system right now. Like maybe the best I've ever had. Um, I have my partner Tony, who is also my tech guy who set up my microphone. Big shout out. Um, I have my mom, I have my extended family. Um, but I've kind of had struggles here and there with like friendships. And right now, I actually right before my dad died, I became really, really good friends with this person named Brennan who also lost their parent. And like having that support system who understands and is grieving in the same way that I am, but just on a different timeline than I'm on, has been so much to me.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I understand that. I understand that. Kelsey, this I think we're wrapping up, right? Yeah, and just want to say, Kelsey, honey, thank you so much for taking this time and sharing of yourself so freely. This every moment of this has been beautiful and I know will have resonance for a great number of people. So that's why we do it right and put it out into the world. We want to say too that uh Kelsey is a music teacher, both vocal and instrumental. You can find her most readily on Instagram at Kelsey Jade Bacon. You heard that right, Kelsey Jade Bacon on IG, and um connect with her there for lessons and also you can follow her um beautiful journey. So many great things to come. But you know what? All that matters is this moment, and I love how you are embracing the moment and living this life that's to be lived. Thank you. Thank you so much for sharing this with us.
SPEAKER_03Thank you. And I love that you're here, Kelsey. I love that you went to choir camp and that the message that was shared with you gave you hope to continue being here to make a difference in so many lives, also.
SPEAKER_02Thank you.
Closing Thanks And Subscribe
SPEAKER_01Thanks for joining us today on Soul Sistries. And thanks for sharing stories with us. We'd love to hear your stories as well and keep the conversation going, absolutely keeping the hope going. So we're really hopeful that you'll connect with our guests as well who have great stories to share. Go ahead and follow them in various social media platforms or live venues, wherever it is that they're performing and uh sharing what they do.
SPEAKER_02We would love to have you follow us on all of our social media platforms, subscribe and rate, as that will help us get our message of hope out to others.
SPEAKER_01Thanks for listening to Soul Sisters.
