Soul SiStories
Soul SiStories was born out of a mutual desire to bring forward hope and healing through sharing our lived experiences. Hope is embracing life despite adversity. Hope is our reason.
Soul SiStories
Rhonda K Roberts: Hope in the Face of Loss
Death doesn't come with a guidebook. For Rhonda Roberts, each loss became a stepping stone toward profound understanding—from the confusion of a 10-year-old watching her grandmother's casket to the peace of whispering goodbye to her father-in-law on his birthday.
"The last thing people that are loved ones want us to do when they transition is to spend our lives in a constant state of grief," Rhonda shares, her cheerleader's energy bringing unexpected light to this somber truth. A Texas-born choreographer and coach whose spirit radiates through every story, Rhonda takes us through her evolution from a college sophomore desperately reading every book on death after losing her father, to a woman who can hold both grief and joy in the same breath.
Her most extraordinary story involves her Aunt Betty, with whom she developed a deep phone relationship during daily commutes. After Betty's passing, Rhonda's three-year-old daughter announced, "Mommy, I saw Aunt Betty. She said I love you. Now go to sleep"—addressing the exact bedtime struggles Rhonda had discussed with her aunt before her death. These moments of connection beyond the physical realm have shaped Rhonda's understanding that our loved ones remain present, just differently.
Beyond her grief journey, Rhonda shares glimpses of her vibrant life—from cheerleading in films like "Bring It On Again" to writing her children's book "Coconut and the Orange Cat," which teaches that joy comes from within. Her philosophy is refreshingly simple yet profound: "You're here, so why not give it your 100%? Just do the things!" This enthusiasm for fully showing up to life honors those she's lost while embracing her continuing journey.
Follow Rhonda and look for her forthcoming book that will guide others through their own grief journeys. Her story reminds us that hope isn't found by avoiding pain, but by moving through it with intention, presence, and the courage to keep showing up.
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Welcome to Soul Sisteries. Hey everyone, we had just a fabulous conversation with a sweet friend of mine, Rhonda Roberts, and now I'm just delighted for everyone to get to know her and what she's all about. She has some real wisdom to share and such a great heart. Wasn't that a fun talk?
Speaker 2:It was a great talk and now of course, I've got a list of music and books and movies to watch, so I've got to get going on that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we're going to start with Prince, right? Yeah, find out all about it. Listen in everybody. Yes, we are here with the lovely and wonderful friend of mine, rhonda Roberts. I'm so glad to know Rhonda and have her in my world. She came to my world through theater and her daughter and you know the kids' world, but I've really appreciated getting to know Rhonda since that time and through that and I'm just so delighted that everybody's going to be able to hear her story.
Speaker 1:Rhonda is a born and bred Texas girl who is now out here in California. She has a deep and rich history in the world of cheerleading, both as a cheerleader and as a coach, a trainer, choreographer, all of that wonderful stuff and she carries that with her to this day. She has a beautiful, extended, lovely, wonderful family. Also, throughout her family journey has experienced a lot of deep and early loss. That has informed a lot of where she is today and I know she's going to talk to us about it. One of the things I love about Rhonda and is so clear throughout her story and I know it's going to come up now as we speak with her is that you know Rhonda's hope through that we're talking about here is showing up hope through showing up, and it's what Rhonda does again and again, and again in her life. She keeps showing up in big, bold and beautiful ways. So Rhonda welcome to Soulful History.
Speaker 3:Wow, what an introduction. Thank you so much. I'm like. Is she talking about me?
Speaker 1:I'm like is she talking about me A hundred percent? And so so easy? I really do admire you and your spirit, your energy and your just willingness to jump in and do the thing to extend yourself, to expand yourself, something I admire in my sister here as well. She does that as well and I just honor and admire that so much in wonderful, beautiful, strong women in the world. So thank you for sharing your story.
Speaker 2:And I just want to say welcome Rhonda, and I don't know if we've met before, maybe through theater, but I don't know, I've been around a lot.
Speaker 1:You were probably sitting in the same audience at some point, Right right?
Speaker 2:But I've certainly heard your name and I've heard about your book and I've heard about your cheerleading and all of that over the years. So I'm looking forward to kind of hearing your story and knowing more about you and just kind of learning it all. So I guess, if it's all right, we'd like to just say can you tell us kind of what got you here? And that's a crazy question, Like okay, you turned on the video and you're here today, right. But I mean, what got you to this point where we're asking you to share your story with us? Because we are interested in hope in all forms and wherever it comes from. And I work a lot in grief and loss and I do understand that that is part of your early journey in life, and so I guess I would just kind of like to hear what you want to share with us about where you've been and where you are today, if you can.
Speaker 3:Oh, that is a great question because it makes me reflect on how I got here and the reason I am in this spot right now is because I got older and matured and realized that I was learning about my whole process with dealing with grief and loss. And I mean it was hundreds and hundreds of YouTube videos of dealing with death and dying and near-death experiences where I just started to realize the process that I had gone through. And I looked back on all the losses that I had in my life and realized in the very beginning I was just, I was unclear, I was young. I lost my grandmother when I was 10 years old and I remember sitting in the church with my mom. We were on the third pew. I could see the casket was a little slightly off to my right and I said, mom, she's going to get up. She's like, no, she's not baby. And I'm like, yes, she is, she's going to get up. Because I had no concept of somebody just laying there, my grandmother, who was active in my life. It just made zero sense to me and I remember because I was in Kilgore, texas, where the funeral was.
Speaker 3:I remember driving back home to Dallas, which was about an hour and a half drive and looking out the window at the stars, the entire time just trying to make sense of what happened to her, like I don't understand. And I remember being upset, before we left with my grandfather, with the response when someone asked him how are you doing? He said well, I'm still living. I got offended about that. I'm like how could he say I'm still living, you know? And she thought he didn't mean it that way. But I remember those were my first like really strong feelings, like how could he say that? You know she's gone now, but anyway, that was the first point of loss experience for me and I just remember being really, really confused. You know, I would move forward and I lost my uncle, my mom's brother, to a heart attack. I didn't have a lot of memories with him because he was a truck driver, so he was always on the road, but I remember seeing her sadness and just again it took me back to that like why did this have to happen? I don't understand this. Why are people here and then they're gone? And then I lost my great-grandmother on my dad's side and all the things. It was like a year would go by and then I would lose someone else, ultimate confusion. And then it wasn't until I got to my sophomore year in college when I lost my father, where I was like, okay, I need to understand this. And that's when I grabbed every book I could find on loss and just reading and trying to understand where do we go, what happens, why is this happening? Why do I have to lose someone so important to me, you know, and so that was my thirst for knowledge. So I went from not knowing completely to I have to understand this process, like what is going on. It needed to make sense to me.
Speaker 3:When he was he had had cancer. He was diagnosed with cancer in 1991. And my dad was very active. He would go to games. He was a sports writer, so he wrote for a newspaper, so he would go to high school football games and high school track meets and that was his focus was high school, so he would show up at my games because I was a cheerleader and he would show up and just he was. You know, my parents were divorced but he was present. So anyway, he was diagnosed with cancer in 91 and didn't occur. I mean, I was sad. I'm like, oh my gosh, I was sad but didn't occur to me that he wasn't going to make it Like just thought people beat this, they will get through it. And he did.
Speaker 3:He went through his treatments, got better and then, towards November of 92, he started getting worse and went back and went to the hospital and they it basically was Christmas break and they were like he was in the hospital and then he had to end up in ICU. And there we were and I'm begging him, please don't go. I want you to be here, I want you to see me graduate, I want you to walk me down the aisle, all these things. And that's when I first experienced timelessness. I remember being in the room with him and I just was sitting by his side and he tried to open his eyes and they were bloodshot. I totally remember that. And we were taking turns rotating in the room. His then wife was going to come in after us. My aunt, his sister, was there also. I was in there with my brother and I'm talking to him Please don't leave, don't go, don't go. I mean that was constant. And they came into the room. They were like you guys need to go get some food or something. He apparently had been in there for two hours. I thought I had been in there for 15 minutes. I mean, it really honestly felt like 15 minutes and we left. And shortly after we left and got home, and shortly after we left and got home, we were told that he was transitioning. So from that lesson I had to go learn about why we leave.
Speaker 3:Well, fast forward to my father-in-law passing. We all were gathered at his home, which was great. His birthday is on October 11th, his birthday is on October 11th, my son is on October 7th, mine is on October 13th. So we always had family gatherings during that time to celebrate the three birthdays. Well, he had been put on hospice the day before, in his home home hospice, and we were all gathered around him and I had never experienced a loss like this. We're all gathered around him, we're talking about our favorite moments with him, we're singing songs and making jokes about ourselves because he was in the choir. We're like we know we don't sound as good as you think you used to, but it was really a beautiful moment.
Speaker 3:I had never experienced that kind of transitioning before, and after we did that, we sang happy birthday to him and everybody left the room and I stayed in there and, you know, the nurse had just kind of warned us and said you know things are shutting down.
Speaker 3:And I said to him, I whispered in his ear, I said, dad, you've done an amazing job. Thank you so much for everything. I'm so grateful to have gotten to know you and I totally learned that from all the videos and things that I listened to about what you say to those that are transitioning. You don't want to make them feel like they have to hold on when it's their time and I just you know it's hard to say, you know, go ahead and go, because you don't want them and but it's, it was time. And he literally left on his birthday, which I thought was so cool. I'm like he just tidied everything up and on October 11th and out on October 11th, and that was the first time that I had this lightness about a transition. I mean, everybody else was sad, so I have to be careful, but I was like this was time for him. You know the other. I mean I'm still talking. Y'all better stop.
Speaker 1:No, you're good and we're listening. Yeah, so please continue.
Speaker 3:She's the matriarch of the family and part of my growing up. My mom had six sisters and so huge family fun, chaotic family gatherings, but Aunt Betty was the matriarch. She was the one that would pull everybody together. We'd all be at Cramden and Betty's small house on Super Bowl Sundays and running out of the front yard screaming how about those Cowboys? And she was the one. So when my daughter Aaliyah was young my mom lives with us she would take the kids back to Texas to visit her family during the summer sometimes. So Aaliyah was about two when she took her back to Dallas and stayed at Aunt Betty's house.
Speaker 3:And it started where I would drive. I had an hour 15 minute commute to and from work, so I would call on the way home just how's everybody doing, how you know. So I would talk to her and it became a time where Aaliyah would be attacking Aunt Betty Like I don't know why she's gullying me today, but we're fighting and it was like a daily thing and so I would hear all the stories. And you know Aunt Betty, I love that Aunt Betty and Aaliyah was. They were getting to bond and so fast, forward Aaliyah's back home Shortly after that. I just kept calling her on the way home, just talking to her.
Speaker 3:And so two or three months go by, after Aaliyah came back, and she, she says she tells me that she's diagnosed with cancer. Again, I love that. Everybody people beat this we're. You know she's gonna be fine, she's strong. You know she talks to me, she would have treatments. We would still have our conversations. She didn't sound like she was weak or hurting, but she, she started telling me things like her friends that are, you know, calling me. I didn't even know I affected their lives that way, but people were starting to reach out to her because they had learned of her diagnosis and they just were telling her how much they appreciated her and the change, the differences she made in their lives. And she's telling me all these things Again. I'm still clueless. I'm like she's going to be this. We'll be at her house next year. You know this is what I'm thinking. So this is towards the end of the year. I think it was 2009,. End of 2009. So Leah was about two. She was born in 07. So end of 2009,. She's going through her treatment and all this we get into the next year. She's still. She hasn't gone in remission or anything, but she's still dealing with it.
Speaker 3:And March of 2010,. She says to me and I'm driving to a cheerleading competition, getting ready to go to work for a big three-day event and she says to me, rhonda, I'm tired, and I hear it and I just I I didn't know how to control it then, but I was like anybody don't talk like that, you're gonna beat this. Have we tried everything? You gotta do this, this and this. And because I totally heard it, I heard it in her voice and so she then told my mom that I was upset with her and I didn't want her to feel that way, but she knew she could hear it.
Speaker 3:So probably about a month no, three weeks after that, she got put into hospice and I still talked to her and she passed. And, surprisingly, when she passed, I was lifted. I felt lifted. I grieved the day she told me she was tired. And so at the funeral, which is packed all our family, all these people they had me speak and because I was probably the only one of the grandkids and the nieces that could even function up there, because I was able to have had those moments with her, and that's when I learned it is so important to talk to the people that you love, tell them that you love them, because when they're not there, like I saw my cousins, just they were unconsolable because they hadn't had the chance to talk to her. They hadn't. You know, life happens and you don't talk to your aunts every day, you move away, you don't see them. But me, having us, having had that, she would. I would get home and she was like, okay, your co-pilot is signing out. You know, we had that bond every day and I felt good about her transition because I knew people loved her. She knew people loved her. We had shared those conversations and this is the real kicker, you guys, I this is how you kicker, you guys, this is how you know that they are around us, even after they transition. Because when I would drive home, sometimes I was sharing with her.
Speaker 3:This girl, aaliyah, will not go to bed at night. I don't know how she's such a night owl. And so my aunt would be like, well, try this, try this, try this. And I'm like nothing. And keep in mind, aaliyah, at this point, is not even three yet she might be right at three when she passes. Yeah, she had just turned three and so she's talking a little bit, so probably about a month or maybe three weeks after she passed. Aaliyah gets up and she says Mommy, I saw Aunt Betty and I'm like, okay, you did. What did she say? She said I love you. Now go to sleep.
Speaker 1:I mean that still gives me chills.
Speaker 3:That still gives me chills, because how would the baby know? How would she know that that was the conversation? Because Aunt Betty told her. So you know the experience I've had with that and loss, and the comfort I have in knowing that they're around us and it's loving and they want us to do well, what I would love to do is in a book that I'm eventually going to get.
Speaker 1:Yes, you are, yes, you are, yes, you are.
Speaker 3:Yes you are. And to show my transition between my loss, to help people realize okay, you might not know in the beginning, then you might have this realization and then you do have this acceptance. And the last thing people that are loved ones want us to do when they transition is to spend our lives in a constant state of grace. That is the last thing they want us to do. So but then my other thing is is I'm a cheerleader. So I want to write a book about grief, but I'm a cheerleader. Like how does that even mix? Like who's going to?
Speaker 2:You know what, though? I absolutely love that, because one of the things that I had a hard time with in my journey is the acceptance of this deep, deep grief and loss could live right next to this joy and love and hope, and it was such a weird thing to learn that both exist at the same time. You go through the journey and you're grieving, but then you're smiling and people are like, oh, you're doing great, everything's so good, right, and it's like, no, this thing is beautiful and happy and this still exists, and so I love that idea, and I don't know what it is. Is it a cheerleader who goes through it? Is it, you know, finding hope through cheer when this stuff is going on? But I see that they do live right next to each other, so I absolutely love that. Yeah, that is a great point.
Speaker 1:That's a great point, yeah, and, rhonda, you know, I think your story definitely deserves to be told. Thank you for sharing with me an earlier draft of what you were thinking about and what you want to do, but I think there is for sure a place out there in the world. And what I love particularly, rhonda, that you're talking about yes, you're talking about us going on after and you're talking about embracing the life that you have, but being really intentional around the transition, really intentional around that passage here and now, not just jumping into the after and not avoiding it, but embracing that. This is an absolutely real, undeniable part of life. There's nobody who is getting out of this existence without that. That is there for us all, and so how do we face it and meet it and embrace it in healthy and meaningful ways?
Speaker 1:And you're being so intentional about that and not a lot of people talk about that so that you are bringing that forward, I think is really important and worthwhile, and all of your journeys through them. You have so much to say and so much to offer, and we know that you, of course, miss your people and we wish that our people were here now experiencing these things in life with us in the same ways that we know, and it's great to know that they are where they are now. But really being intentional through that time, I just think that's so incredibly meaningful. I know I just said a lot, but that's such an important point.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you know, after my dad passed, I realized I was carrying his loss for a very long time. On Christmas Day. He left on Christmas Day, so it was one day. It was a Christmas morning and I was walking down the stairs. Aaliyah was a babe in arms and it was I don't know what it was in that moment, but it was like Rhonda, let go of this, because my kids, I know they can sense it.
Speaker 3:It wasn't like I'll be in the corner crying or you know super sad, but it was something inside me that was like I'm sad, you know, and one of my really good girlfriends I guess she's kind of the one who initiated this because she was, I felt her like trying to take me back down that path.
Speaker 3:She was like I know, this is a hard time of the year for you and you know, being a friend and trying to be understanding. And then I heard myself in that moment going I don't want that to be. I don't want to have my Christmas be a hard time every year because my dad wouldn't want that. So she doesn't really say that anymore, but it was kind of that comment that triggered me going. I don't want to have that looming over me looming over me. So it's also me realizing how to again find the joy in existence without that human existence that I once wanted to be around, and I get sad. I would get sad because my dad will not meet his grandkids. I would love for them to have been in his presence, but that's not the way it works out. He sees them, he's proud of them, he's proud of me, and I just have to accept that it's in another form.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely that's true, See, sis, this is you see why.
Speaker 2:I asked Ronda to come on and talk with us, yeah. Yeah, and I'm sure you probably know, ronda, our stories cross a little bit in that, you know, I lost my husband when the children were, you know, 10th and 12th grade, so just a little younger than you were when you lost your father.
Speaker 2:And so I'm looking, you know, at my loss, but also the loss for my children not having their dad with them through this journey. So it's yeah, it's definitely an experience. I want to ask because, donna, I'm sure you know this, but you talked about wanting to write this other book, and I know you shared that a book is coming out soon and maybe a coloring book with it, but you do have a book out already and I want to hear what that. I know the name Coconut and the Orange Cat, but I want to know what it's about. I haven't read it, but I definitely want to.
Speaker 3:So yeah, coconut and the Orange Cat. It kind of came on by a whim and we'd had a little white Maltese named Coconut. My husband and I it was like really before the kids came around, that was our little child and Coconut loved this little toy orange cat which we really don't know where it came from. We took it to the vet one time and I think it was a leftover toy and they just sent it home with her. She loved that cat. So jokingly my husband and I said Coconut and the orange cat.
Speaker 3:I'm like that kind of sounds like a book and that sat for years and then one day while I was sitting here I just like, oh, remember Coconut and the Orange Cat. I think we should just go ahead and write that book. I literally like came up with an idea to use the story to teach colors to children but also bring in the element of finding joy within to children. But also bring in the element of finding joy within. So Coconut and Orange Cat is the story about this little girl who has a dog named Coconut. Alani is the little girl and Alani is actually my niece. Coconut's her pet and she noticed that Coconut's sad so she's trying everything she can do to go to this pet store and find a toy that will make coconut happy and coconut just is never happy with any of their toys. Um, and it goes through all the colors.
Speaker 3:She goes to the store. She finds a blue fish. She finds something. Wait, what is it? She finds a. She finds a blue fish. She finds a purple ball. She finds actually it's a bluebird. She finds a purple ball. She finds actually it's a blue bird. She finds a green lizard. This is the best. And so none of those work. And then she's sitting on the bed. She's like I pretty much I don't know what to do. And then Coconut notices there's an orange. She notices under the table that there's the toy and she gets happy and she finds the joy. But the concept is that joy was inside the whole time, so you didn't have to go outside to get it. The joy was inside.
Speaker 2:I love that and it's that piece of showing up right that like the joy is there, even if it's dormant, like you don't know it's there, but by showing up it can come out, which is huge, Very important. So children's book, but has some great value for adults also, I think.
Speaker 1:Right, and then your coloring book that you're working on is a companion right to the coconut book.
Speaker 3:Yes, it's basically the visuals in the coconut and orange cat. It's basically the visuals in the coconut and orange cat and they can color the pages in that so sweet.
Speaker 1:So here's the thing. We have to say it also. So I mean, you know that I'm also a children's book author and I've had the opportunity to publish quite a bit and I have many people in my world who come up and talk about this idea they have for a children's book. Everybody is a children's book author in their own mind, but it is few and far between right who actually do the thing and then do the work to publish the book, have it published and really make it come to fruition. A lot of people just want somebody to wave that magic wand for them like you just did it. You just did it and you're doing second edition now. That's so. All of that is then to ask a question what is that thing within you? What do you attribute that to that you do keep showing up and you do keep just putting yourself out there and making the things happen, because you're human. You, you have fears like everyone, insecurities like everyone. What, what allows you to move forward? And what about you does that?
Speaker 3:I think the first thing I want to say is that I like the challenge and I think I like the accomplishment of it when it's done. But I thought for the book that it was really important for me to, I guess, just do what I said I was going to do. And I'm like, ok, I said I was going to do this, I'm going to do it. I just think the challenges that present themselves to me like I can handle that, and then I go for it and I do it. But I also thought the story was important to get out and so I wanted to finish. Finish that I also want to be an example. Now that I have kids, I also want to be an example to them. Like, do what you say you're going to do.
Speaker 3:But I think even before then I've always felt like, ooh, I can do that. And then I just want to get it done Now, following up on it and making sure I'm marketing and doing all the extra stuff, like that there's a little bit of a lag, but I just like the, I like feeling accomplished and I like helping people in the process. So I guess that's kind of the answer. I don't know. I feel like there might be something deeper to it, but I know initially, initially, if I see something, oh, I can do that, then I just I want to go for it and I want to get it done.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's just in you. Did you have as a kid? Were there particular people in your world who kind of modeled that for you or as you think about, kind of you observed and took that in?
Speaker 3:observed and took that in. I guess wait, when you said that I mean my parents. That's a good, that's a really good question. I think the biggest time that I felt that accomplishment feeling is I was the first one to finish college, bravo, and like out of all the grandkids I was the first one to go, and I was the first one not the first one to go, but I was the first one to actually finish. It took me five years but I did it. That's okay. And I think when I had the support of the family I had, my grandparents came, I had a big, huge group that came down to support my finishing and I think that was a big thing to me. Like I've never even really said that out loud, but I remember that feeling of I did this and look at my family here to support me, like I feel beautiful.
Speaker 3:Like I'm so accomplished. So I think that was a big driving force for me. And when I was younger, like school years, I've always had this motivation to do well. I don't even know why. My mom never put like super fear in me, but I always wanted to get good grades. I always wanted to. I'm like I got to have perfect attendance. I don't even know where that came from, but I just wanted to do well when I was in school. I don't know where that drive came from, to be honest, it was just there. But I think the biggest turning point was when I graduated college and felt really good about that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's wonderful and it sounds like having that robust support. I mean it really does matter, right that we've got that in our world. Just one quick little story of my own I can remember, as you were talking about the graduation, when I graduated high school, my sisters and I all went to this parochial college, prep girls' school and our two older sisters had gone there and they had made their own choices about school and their journey. And I went through and at the graduation ceremony I was given the top honor that the school had to offer and that was lovely. But the loveliest thing and oh, I feel it to this day is just seared in my memory and I took with me was walking back up the aisle and those two older sisters standing there and cheering and the looks on their faces, that support, that embrace and their celebration of it. Just I mean, I feel that to this moment. Yeah, yeah, how exceptional it is to this moment.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, how exceptional.
Speaker 1:it is to have that so thank you, that's awesome, thank you for jogging that memory. That's awesome.
Speaker 2:And listening to both of you and going back to that showing up thing, I'm thinking of all the videos that you see online now that talk about how important it is to show up. You know, and you see the little kids on the school stage performing and looking for mom, dad, whoever and then you see the doctor at graduation, with the older man who's sitting there and he's looking, and when he sees his family he gets all excited, right, because they showed up and it's just, it's a reminder of how important it is to show up. You know, for others, for yourself, just and I'm getting teary, but that is where hope comes from is just showing up, and I think that is really important. All of this and people showing up for you and you showing up for yourself and clearly for others. Who is it that inspires you in your life when you were younger? Today, just, who are your inspirations? Who inspires me?
Speaker 3:um, that's a great question. I look to a lot of people for inspiration, the people that can get on any social media platform and tell their real story, like the ugly, gritty, dirty ones that I don't want to come out and say happened in my life. I think that's really inspiring because it helps other people see that they are not you know. Oh, they're going through the same. I think that's so inspiring because it's all about helping other people. Yeah, and you know, we all don't want to be condemned for doing what we did and the choices we made, but for someone to come out and share their story, I think that's amazing. I think that's inspiring.
Speaker 3:Now on the artist side, prince is an inspiration to me. Today is his birthday, by the way, Happy birthday side. Prince is an inspiration to me and today is his birthday, by the way, happy birthday. And I just I was amazed, like I love his music, I thought he was so cute when I was younger, but really I just thought the way that he has been able to connect to his source and pull the creativity and I think that is so inspiring and amazing. I want to tap into that. Like, can I please tap into whatever that is I'm supposed to be tapping into?
Speaker 1:Yeah, that artistry is definitely on a spiritual plane, for sure, using every part of him. But tapping into all that is, I'm just saying that. That just blows my mind. Blows my mind, I mean, there's a song.
Speaker 3:I heard not too long ago that I didn't know he did, and I am a huge Prince fan. I'm like that. Man has so many songs and has written for so many people. Where did all that come from? He just tapped in and was able to create all that he did. I mean, he was amazing. So that's really truly inspiring to me.
Speaker 3:Rhonda when you look back to that kid that you were sort of let's think about that tween, maybe 12, 13, around that age, and what you were doing and who you were then. And if that girl was seeing where you are today and looking at you now, what would she say? She was saying you're doing good, but you can do better, oh, oh, better, oh, oh oh. I remember feeling like I'm unstoppable at that age. You know, I felt like I can do anything. Right now I'm not complaining. I'm very grateful for where I am, what I have, my family, who I'm surrounded with. I feel like there's more. There's that book in there, there's more in here to do. But she would say to me you're doing good, you have a nice life, but you can do more.
Speaker 1:Do you think and this just leads me to this other question Do?
Speaker 3:you think and this just leads me to this other question do you think your research into an awareness of death and that role in our lives, do you think that that also informs how you choose to live? Oh, absolutely Absolutely. And another loss to talk about that I lost my oldest brother maybe three years ago. I think it was three years ago. Unfortunately, he was a little estranged from the family because I believe and I don't know, I'm not a doctor but I believe there was some kind of bipolar or something going on to the point to where it was almost violent. So we were great growing up.
Speaker 3:I looked up to him growing up. He was super smart. He could take a computer apart and put it back together before that was even really a thing, really smart. But as he got older he just he was like very argumentative, he'd be nice one minute and then upset and angry and ready to fight the next. So he comes out here. He came out here. He has two sons. One of his sons, brett, lives here and has children. Well, frederick is his name. He came out, and he was living with Brett for a little bit of time Before he left Dallas, though, to come out here, he had injured our other brother, stopped him from working, just caused problems, and then he moved out here.
Speaker 3:Brett, let him live with him, kind of started some issues and God rest his soul. I just my heart hurts because I just wish things could have been different. I don't know, he didn't want to live in a shelter, so he was living in a tent and Brett ended up finding him and I was hurt because we didn't have the relationship and he didn't have the relationship with my family, with my kids, that I would have loved and I loved him very much. But I, just when I lost my dad and even friends that I've I've known that I've lost I had a greater sense of loss. But because we were estranged, it was kind of like I hadn't seen him. You know I'm sad for that because I don't have. Anyway, my point to the, my answer to the question, is that yes, I want to live a life where people feel like I've shown up for them, I've paid attention to them, I've paid attention to them, I've been empathetic to them. I you know that's. I mean it's a genuine feeling.
Speaker 3:I'm not doing it just so I can get accolades after my transition but I want to show up in people's lives and them have a good feeling about me. I want to have that conversation, like my Aunt Betty did, when people were calling her and they made these. They were telling her all the great things that she did for them. So, yeah, I absolutely just knowing what I know. Now, you know, I call, I've started calling my family a little bit more often and say, hey, how you're doing? And you know we would go for a month, maybe sometimes a year, not talking to each other. And I started to reach out to my family and just hey, just checking in, you know. But yeah, it's definitely affected and changed how I live day to day.
Speaker 3:And you know experience life with my kids and you know talk to them about they don't like. When I bring up, though, what to do with me. Once I pass I'm like, look, don't put me in the ground and then going back there because I'm not in there Right, taking up land, space, you know, just preeminent ocean. Don't try to save any of my asses by carrying me around. Don't do that. I'm not in there. Don't worry about all that.
Speaker 1:They don't want to talk about it, but they know. I hear that, I hear that. But what I also hear through all of this is you're making a choice to live very intentionally, intentionally with people around you, intentionally with how you live your life. Which gosh. That is a message for us all, for sure. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Well, and I think my question leading from that, and I guess I could fill in the blanks myself but I wonder if you have kind of like a motto or a life philosophy that you live by.
Speaker 3:It's part of that showing up piece, I think, for it's um, you're here, so why not give it your 100? Like what am I doing? Like why are we halfway doing stuff? Like, just do it to the fullest, like, whatever it is, you know, and my kids are so chill and laid back. They're like why are you? I'm like, let's go, let's, let's have the fun.
Speaker 1:Let's do the things.
Speaker 3:And you know, even with them they were so different from me and I know kids are different than their parents but they just really didn't participate in all the school things, Like I had to push them like go to that prom, Like go to homecoming, Do the things, Just do the things. So I'm like you're here, I mean, do the things Right, Just do the things. So I'm like you're here, Just enjoy it. That's what it's supposed to be about. What are we going to do? Just sit around and lollygag and be the bump on the log. Yeah, that's showing my age. Bump on the log, that's such an old saying.
Speaker 2:I think we're all right there.
Speaker 1:You know what I meant, exactly, exactly Well, and I've been so fortunate to be able to follow some of that journey with your girl too, and her diving in and embracing those things in her world. You know, when we just did the Wolves at the theater and she took part in it, my gosh, I'm so proud of her. And she went deep for that role and just really took it on. That was um, that one's gonna stay that was fun.
Speaker 3:Thank you for having her do that. She, she was just like. I don't want y'all to come see me rehearse because she's a little salty. Her character is a little salty in the language which is funny, because that's not at all who?
Speaker 1:yeah, it is to embrace that character was a kind of a kind of a hoot, uh, but yes, I was so authentic and beautiful and that I didn't direct that show in. It's our producer, kirk's daughter, marlee, who directed Aaliyah in that show, but I've loved watching Aaliyah through these years and seeing her do what she does, so bravo. Okay, sis, is this the time? Should we jump into our rapid fire question? I think so.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Okay, all right.
Speaker 2:You take it away, sis. Okay, so we're going to just ask these questions, don't spend a lot of time thinking about them, just kind of whatever comes to you and no pressure, though. Like if nothing comes to you, that's okay also. But you know, like when somebody's walking up to the pitcher's mound or you know, just got that big award and you're going up to accept it, what would be your walk-in song as you're walking up in front of everybody?
Speaker 3:Oh my God, I have to be honest. The first song that came to my head is a Prince song. Baby, I'm a star. Yeah, I love it, I love it.
Speaker 1:Of course that's the song it's got to be. What else could it be? I love that. I love it. Of course that's the song it's got to be. What else could it be? I love that. Okay, what book changed you?
Speaker 3:Oh, what book changed me? Yeah, great question, the book that changed me. Well, currently I'm listening to it and it's called Black AF History. Yes, and it is changing me right now. So I'm listening to it and realizing all the things I didn't learn when I was growing up.
Speaker 1:Okay, that's on my list. That's actually so I need to dig in too, okay.
Speaker 2:Awesome, awesome. What movie lives rent free in your brain?
Speaker 3:What movie lives rent free? Devil we wears.
Speaker 2:Prada, that is a good one.
Speaker 1:Okay, what did you love doing as a kid that you love doing to this day?
Speaker 3:Dancing.
Speaker 2:Okay, cool, yes, and we didn't get to talk about the cheerleading, and I want to know more about that too. So what? What in your world is lighting you up right now?
Speaker 3:My kids, watching them thrive in their moments right now. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they're all in that young adult space. They're really becoming those people.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I like looking at what are y'all going to do. Very cool. What's next?
Speaker 1:I love that, I love that. I love that.
Speaker 2:What color is hope? Yellow, nice. And what does hope sound like? Oh, wow, I like that.
Speaker 1:Yes, oh, we've never had anybody articulate it like that I love, that I like it All right, so complete this statement.
Speaker 3:Showing up is Showing up is Important yeah.
Speaker 2:Amen. Another fill in the blank Love is love is easy.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's nice. Well, I'm going to sit with that. I'm writing that one down too. Love is easy. Oh my goodness, if we'd only all just remember that, right. Okay, so, sis, you said you wanted to hear more about it, so let's do this. Cheerleading is.
Speaker 3:Cheerleading is fun.
Speaker 1:Let's do a quick little segue. How did you get into cheerleading? How did you get into that world?
Speaker 3:I got into cheerleading because I started with dance and I did dance, I did drill team, all like my little young years. And then I went to high school school for the arts in Dallas and my freshman year I took dance, modern ballet, jazz, tap, all of that. And then my family is such a sports family. I wanted to go to a school that had sports and the school of arts did not. So I transferred to high school in Dallas and I got there and my sophomore year I did nothing. I was like I gotta do something, like what am I gonna do? And I had taken gymnastics, like in third grade, and I knew how to do a back handspring, oh wow. And so I don't even know how I dug that back up because it was third grade. And I knew how to do a back handspring, oh wow. And so I don't even know how I dug that back up because it was third grade.
Speaker 3:And then I mean that's a long, yeah, yeah but then I like, well, I guess I'll try out for cheer then. What else am I gonna do is so I made the team my junior year, so I cheered my junior year and my senior year, then realized that I loved it. So I went to college. I cheered in college, then I started teaching summer camps out here in California, which is how I got transplanted to California. But I just kept doing it and then I transitioned into coaching and I worked for the company that I taught for in marketing for many, many years and I still just loved it.
Speaker 3:I loved the skill in accomplishing things. But then I also loved how, when I was teaching a camp one time we're in a big circle I had a big circle of kids around me and I was teaching them a skill. Basically, there's a girl in the air and she twists and they catch her. So twist cradles. I taught an entire group how to do that and I was looking around and so many of them were jumping up and down and they had never done it before and I'm like I did that. So that's when I realized I loved coaching and so I coached at Santa Margarita High School in South Orange County. I coached at UCLA, I coached at Mt SAC, I coached Diamond Bar High School, so I coached at all these different schools and just enjoyed it and I tried to get away from it. And my friends keep calling me can you come judge, can you come teach? And so I'm just, I keep getting pulled back in and I don't say no because obviously I like it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's a win-win coaching for sure. And then you didn't say but I just discovered in your bio that you shared that you've also been in a number of films, all because of cheerleading.
Speaker 3:When I started working for the United States Association, a friend of mine, tony Gonzalez, was a choreographer and he was connected with the movie industry so he was always cast filming or casting for the cheerleading roles. So I was in Bring it On Again and I was in the Hot Chick and so at the cheerleading competition I was on one of the teams competing and also was in Sky High. I don't know if you've seen that movie, but they're the superheroes. So Penny the cheerleader who multiplied, I was one of her. I'm a Penny double.
Speaker 1:That's so cool.
Speaker 3:I mean that's just fun.
Speaker 1:So you are a Texas girl through and through. But that's a total California girl thing to do to do all the films right so speaking to your world today, okay, so I got us off track in our little question, but thank you, let me follow that, yep, so.
Speaker 2:So let's get back to our our fill in the blank then.
Speaker 3:So the meaning of life is the meaning of life is to go with the flow.
Speaker 1:The thing you'd most like to be remembered for is he loved life.
Speaker 3:It was fun.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, and our last one hope is hope is hope is powerful powerful.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there you go beautiful thank you so much for joining us for this time thank you so much.
Speaker 3:I am so honored to have been asked and get to share my story and get revived about getting this book together.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the world needs that book and your story for sure.
Speaker 2:And where can people, if they want to find Coconut and the Orange Cat, where can they find that? Where can they find more about you and your books coming, if you have anything that you want to share?
Speaker 3:Okay, yeah, I'm on Instagram and so I announced my things on there. I'm on the underscore K, underscore Roberts, and I also. Amazon has my Coconut first edition right now, so once I get it published again, I'll get the second edition up, so maybe they want to wait just a little bit before they order the book. But, yeah, I'm on Instagram, I'm on Facebook, of course, and I have a website, rhondakrobertscom, which is in process of opening back up, but yes, Perfect.
Speaker 1:This will be an inspiration to make that happen.
Speaker 3:Yes, yeah, yes.
Speaker 1:Perfect. Thank you, my friend. This was just beautiful, just beautiful. I really appreciate you.
Speaker 3:Thank you so much. Yeah, thank you, thank you, I really enjoyed it.
Speaker 2:I appreciated this time to get to know you a little bit, Rhonda, and I wish you luck. I can't wait to see the rest of the story for Coconut. I am a huge dog fan, so anything with dogs I'm all for that.
Speaker 1:You'll love this sweet book.
Speaker 3:All right, thank you so much Thank you have a great rest of your day.
Speaker 2:You too, stay well Bye. Thanks for joining us today on Soul Sisteries and thanks for sharing stories with us.
Speaker 1:We'd love to hear your stories as well and keep the conversation going, absolutely keeping the hope going. So we're really hopeful that you'll connect with our guests as well, who have great stories to share. Go ahead and follow them in various social media platforms or live venues, wherever it is that they're performing and sharing what they do.
Speaker 2:We would love to have you follow us on all of our social media platforms, subscribe and rate, as that will help us get our message of hope out to others. Thanks for listening to Soul.
Speaker 1:Sisteries.
