Soul SiStories
Soul SiStories was born out of a mutual desire to bring forward hope and healing through sharing our lived experiences. Hope is embracing life despite adversity. Hope is our reason.
Soul SiStories
A Journey of Light: Leah's Path to Resilience
What if the key to hope was not a distant dream, but a conscious choice? Leah, a friend dear to our hearts, embodies this very idea. Her journey from social work and forensic interviewing in the 90s to creative entrepreneurship and real estate showcases an indomitable spirit. Leah’s battle with breast cancer reveals a beacon of resilience and positivity, reminding us all that hope and joy can be guiding lights through life's toughest challenges. She shares her experiences with humor and camaraderie, showing how community and laughter are powerful tools in overcoming adversity.
Our conversation with Leah goes even deeper as we explore the healing power of animal companionship. Her bond with a horse named Koda provided a much-needed source of strength and comfort during chemotherapy, illustrating the profound impact of connections with both humans and animals. Leah enlightens us on the transformative experience of equine-assisted therapy and the unexpected joy found in gratitude, even in the face of hardship. Her reflections on loss and grief highlight the beauty in life's final moments, offering a tender perspective on end-of-life care.
As we celebrate Leah’s incredible spirit, her story inspires us to embrace hope with open arms and a joyful heart. Through her experiences, she encourages us to see the beauty in every moment and to cherish the connections that guide us. We invite you all to join us in keeping the spirit of hope alive by following Leah's journey and the stories shared on Soul Sisteries. Let’s continue to amplify these voices of inspiration and gratitude, spreading the message of hope far and wide.
Thanks for listening to Soul SiStories. We hope you follow us on your favorite podcast platform. Five-star ratings and reviews always help to spread our message of hope.
Soul SiStories
Instagram
Facebook
Soul SiStories Podcast - YouTube
Welcome to Soul Sisteries.
Speaker 2:Welcome to Soul Sisteries. We are so excited to have you listen to our friend Leah, who is just so filled with hope and love and light and beauty, and for myself, having gotten to spend this time with her, I just feel lighter and more hopeful.
Speaker 1:For sure. Oh my gosh, I was so thrilled to talk with Leah because here she shared everything that we're hoping to be about in this podcast, right, and so all that messaging is there. And also, like I want to say, here it can be very easy to see this stuff as sort of a Pollyanna. Oh, just be hopeful and just feel the hope, and it's not that at all, and she shares that so gorgeously. That this is. There are choices to be made here, right, and the consciousness around perspectives and how we embrace life, and it doesn't negate the hard stuff and the very heavy stuff or even the feelings around that, but how one can lead this hope-filled and joy-filled life throughout. All of it is oh man, that is some magic stuff right there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and the idea that hope is available to all of us. Right, it's not this thing that only some people get or only some people deserve. It can be a conscious decision to be hope, you know. It can be a conscious decision to be hopeful, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and there are concrete things that one can do in order to generate that emotional experience and certainly that intellectual one. So this is good stuff. I can't wait for everybody to hear what Leah has to share. Oh my goodness, man, we are on to something.
Speaker 2:Her story. All right, here we go, everyone, okay. Well, so here we are at Soul Sisteries. Today we are talking with my good friend, leah.
Speaker 2:Leah and I go way back working as social workers and forensic interviewers in the 90s. I was able to watch Leah become an amazing mom to her precious girl. Later she left social work and returned to her hometown where she started her own creative business refinishing furniture. So many beautiful projects she created. Then she became a realtor, which she is still doing now.
Speaker 2:She gets so much joy helping others create the home life that they've dreamed about. She heroically battled and beat breast cancer a journey through oh my gosh, I'm going to cry already a journey through which she taught so many of us about perseverance and never giving up hope. Despite her life experiences with multiple losses and loved ones, struggles with mental illness, she has been a beacon of hope for me, a true inspiration, and I'm so excited to welcome Leah to Soul Sisteries and to share her story with everybody. Leah, of course, we ask how she experiences hope. Hope through, and Leah mentioned that she experiences hope through knowing that behind the clouds, the sky is always blue, which is absolutely beautiful. So welcome Leah to our Soul Sisteries podcast. We're very excited to have you here.
Speaker 3:Hi, thank you, I'm so happy to be here.
Speaker 2:Yay, Yay, yay, yay. So really what we said is that this is just a few of us sitting around chatting. We do have questions for you. We really want to just kind of hear from you. The podcast itself is about hope and how people have found hope, created hope. What gives them hope? Really kind of with this idea that we just want everybody to know that hope is not this elusive thing that we can all access. Hope and, as I mentioned, your story has always been so hopeful for me and you have been very inspiring for me, so I want to just kind of throw it to you first for you to share kind of, I guess, what got you here. Like I'm trying to think back to the 90s and when I think of Leah in the 90s, was she full of hope? Did we talk about hope? I don't know that that was part of our discussion back then, and so I guess I just want you to share what has got you to this, the state of being hopeful.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that is interesting. I don't think back then that I really gave hope a lot of thought. I don't recall us having spoken about it. I mean, obviously we were younger and just sort of going about our lives living. But I feel that, probably for me and for you, because I think we kind of express ourselves similarly and I think that hope was probably like part of us but we just didn't acknowledge it. Maybe we didn't have like enough bad experiences to make us need it, you know.
Speaker 1:Isn't that a true thing also, that we find these wells by our choices in adversity, in the challenges, their choices we make, and then the hope sort of comes through. That, wouldn't you say?
Speaker 3:Yeah, definitely. I will say too that I think I am by nature an optimistic person, and hope and optimism I don't think they have to go hand in hand, but for me they definitely do, because even in the darkest of times, for the most part, I've been able to remain hopeful and optimistic that things can improve.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, you know I'm trying to think back to early years. I had mine and I remember you getting pregnant and just the excitement and the hope and the like. We were young, I mean, we were adults, but we were young adults and I remember just thinking, my God, she's got it all together, like she's ready to just tackle this parenting thing Right now. As a parent myself, I'm like, okay, there were probably a lot of challenges, but you did it so easily and just like, just really hopefully, like knowing that you had this child's future in your hands. Oof, that's daunting.
Speaker 3:Well, yeah, I don't know if that is how I felt, but I was very happy to be pregnant and I was like, okay, well, it's twofold. I remember so specifically and this is hilarious to me about probably like eight months or something like getting close to childbearing time and thinking and just being so completely disgusted by the idea that I was going to have this little baby and it was going to be with me every minute of every day and I was like, how, how am I going to deal with this? Which is so not the way that I feel like and not even probably how I felt then. I'm sure it was hormonal, but I remember distinctly just being like what have I done?
Speaker 1:And you know what I think, so many you know soon to be new parents, and new parents have those feelings and we don't talk about it. Like I remember when my eldest was born and like, first looking, and I'm going who the hell are you? Oh my God, I'm like. Oh my God, what is?
Speaker 3:happening. It's so funny, it's such a weird thing being a parent, like a beautiful thing. I wouldn't change it for anything at all. But that feeling quickly dissipated when they raised, when they held her up Because I ended up having to have a C-section because she's a stubborn little thing and she was upside down and late, and they held her up to me. I remember and I just remember the feeling and I said I love her so much. Yeah, and they brought her to me to kiss. What they took her to, like clean her up and like sew me up and everything, and um, and I remember going to kiss her but I didn't want to touch her because she was so perfect and I didn't want to give her a germ.
Speaker 1:It's so true, I'm going to tag on there real quick. Same I was. That first thought was like who are you? And then I held him and he moved his hip in the way that I that was exactly that motion I recalled from in my womb. It was, and it was the overwhelming oh my God, it's you, it's you. And just, and then that rush of love came. So it was that double whammy.
Speaker 3:I, I, yeah, I love that you just shared your story because I, oh, and I did love like I remember Diana like talking to you and being like, oh, I Like I remember Diana like talking to you and being like, oh, I get to go get Sophie now, like go and pick her up. I was just so enthusiastic to see her and be around her little cute self.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, it seems like just yesterday that she was born, and I think when we were talking last week, I think, you said she's 25. 25. And she was just born. I just, I still remember that.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, yeah, oh, my goodness. Well, leah, thank you for taking the time to be here with us and to share your story and your journey. I I know that, um, hope is not just this magic wand, and I am hopeful and here we go. And it certainly doesn't discount any real lived experience and real feelings along the journey, and we would never want to suggest that it should. We'll just be hopeful, everyone and everything will be okay. That's not it. But what is it, though, in the world? Clearly, you said you were optimist. Naturally, you had certain inclinations. I know you have clinical training, so there's things that you know through your studies. But what is it consciously in the world around you that does give you hope and inspire you to hold on and to think a new thought, or think differently, feel differently? I said a lot. Let me synthesize that and break it. Yeah, thank you.
Speaker 3:I think that for me, being hopeful is a choice. So if I'm feeling hopeless which um has happened and could probably happen again in the future is that I I've had to make a conscious choice and I have a really good example of when I worked here back in Austin at the DA's office and I had a. I worked with the victims of violent crimes like murders, rapes, you name it like just horrible stuff. That's intense. It was, yes, it was, and I had one mom who had a daughter. She was disabled, and the mom's sister and the sister's boyfriend went to the house and beat her to death. The attorneys on the case decided not to take it to trial. They were going to just plead it out, like work out a plea bargain with the sister, and the mom was understandably upset and I remember when they were talking to us and she was holding my hand like so, so, so, so tight, like just squeezing the life out of my hand and and it was awful and I felt really hopeless. I felt very disappointed in our office for not pushing forward with that. I felt the heartbreak of her that my sister did this and basically she's getting off scot-free Really a very dark moment. So I was like, all right, they left. I got to get out of here for a little while. So I walked out and cause I was just going to drive around, you know like listen to some music, or just I don't even know what my plan was.
Speaker 3:But I was out of the DA's office for like an hour or so and I walked outside and it's not like a very beautiful environment, it's downtown like not a lot of trees or anything.
Speaker 3:But I took a deep breath and then I heard birds singing and I was like even now the birds continue to sing and I was like things will go on, like there will be beauty in her life again, in the mom's life, and I know that there is. I'm not in a lot of contact with her, but I reach out to her every just few years. I think it's probably a little hard for her to talk to me and I don't want to make her life harder, but I know that she obviously will never get over that loss. But she's gotten married, like she has a life of her own. That's continued and I have like a million stories like that, but that one in particular, like I made a choice, like I've got to get out of this oppressive environment of despair that I'm in at this moment and walk out environment of despair that I'm in at this moment and walk out. And, however, I managed to still be aware that there was beauty going on, despite the ugliness.
Speaker 1:Because it's not, yeah, it's not an either or it's a both. There's the duality that we sometimes really struggle with accepting and existing that these, both of these things are true. This nightmare, horrific loss, horrible, the injustice that is true, and also the birds singing and other possibilities of love and union and joy. All of that can exist in the same space. Yes, yes, absolutely yeah my God, that's a great, that's a I mean great story, I don't?
Speaker 2:it's heartbreaking and also so hopeful and so, and that's just, that's humanity there, right, that's the heart of it, Thank you, thank you for sharing that, thank you and and that experience reminds me a lot of the work that we did when we were working together, you know, working in the field of child abuse, and people, my family included, thought I was crazy and why would I do that kind of work. And I think back to that and even if we didn't talk about hope back then, leah, I think we did it because we were hopeful. Because we were hopeful we could make a difference in these kids' lives, right yeah.
Speaker 3:Yes, and maybe even prevent it from happening to somebody else. You know, through that and offering an ear to hear their story, without judgment or expectation or relationship, because you know it's got to be kind of hard to talk about that stuff with your family when you're young. You barely even have the words to express like, like how they touched you or you know just the sort of malignancy of of all of that. But yeah, I think, I mean I do think that we were hopeful then and I remember then too feeling sometimes like God dang, this world is hard and some of those stories I mean they're heartbreaking.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, and and and pushing through it though, because we knew it was something on the other side, and kind of like what you know, your, your hope through knowing that behind the clouds the sky is still blue. You know that that beauty still exists. I think is really important.
Speaker 1:So it was not a good group of people because we like I remember you know we would cry but then we would laugh and you know we had maybe, maybe, a bit of dark humor and for sure there has to be something in that too right that you, you weren't in it alone, that there was this community who understood, and of course that's that's just something that we all need, right, those people to talk, somebody who understands this space, that we're in this place, that, and to be able to talk with them and share. And boy and humor goes a long way to let's not discount dark humor, man. That is life-saving.
Speaker 2:So crazy work, right? I mean, you've had some heavy work experience. Maybe real estate, I'm hoping, is a little lighter than that kind of work was, but who knows, there's still things that happen and I know you have the ups and downs with clients. I mentioned earlier, leah, your battle with breast cancer, and that is something that you know. You were in a different state. We connected over Facebook and I I watched your journey and it's crazy to say this, but it was a very beautiful journey, a very graceful journey, and it was so positive and hope-filled, of course, and you beat its ass. I mean, you really did and I'm curious how you got the strength, how you got the confidence to do what, to battle the way you did, with grace and hope, the whole time.
Speaker 3:Um, I mean, I mean it was so weird I remember it so clearly obviously like the doctor called me like I had found a lump and I was like it was. Just I had to keep reminding myself. I found it on a Friday or maybe a Saturday and I was like I have to remember this and call the doctor next week. And I wasn't afraid, I was just like I have to remember this, like I kept somehow it kept coming to my mind. I'm like I have to remember, I have to remember. So I went, did all the different stuff. They ended up doing a biopsy. They're like we'll call you on Friday. So I told I asked the doctor. Then I'm like look, I mean if you think it's cancer, just tell me. And she's like I don't know. She said part of it doesn't. And I'm like all right, whatever.
Speaker 3:So Friday I was waiting for the call. I got the call. She was like it is a type of breast cancer, so blah, blah, blah, whatever she said. And I remember just saying okay, okay, okay, like that's all I was saying. And then I got off the phone and my husband was there and we had just recently separated and I mean poor guy, you know, I'm just like saying okay, okay, okay, and he's just like staring at me with his eyes bolting out of his head. So finally I gave him a thumbs down and I remember he came over to hug me and I was like no.
Speaker 3:I'm okay and that's a whole different story. But I remember like no, I'm good, and I immediately thought I am not leaving my daughter, I will live through this and and that was that like it was a decision. Now, I mean, maybe I would have lived without it. It was a pretty aggressive little bugger, I will say, really growing very, very quickly, and I'm super thankful that I found it when I did, otherwise we might not be having this conversation, but it was literally a instantaneous, wholehearted decision that I'm going to go forward, I'm going to live and I'm going to make it as easy on her as possible, because she was in eighth grade and like what a crappy time to have your mom sick. You know, eighth grade is hard enough without worrying about your, your mom dying.
Speaker 2:Right, Right, Goodness. And so you made that decision and then, like I, I feel like I have hope in my life. Even when things get bad, I still have this piece of hope. But I could let myself go down kind of that dark hole and throw me a pity party and let me, let me wallow for a little bit before I bounce back out. You I don't know that, if anybody didn't know you, if they saw anything, and of course we know, like social media only shares what we want to share Everything was so positive, Everything everything that you shared gave us hope, Like. So I don't know if it was you feeling like, okay, well, I have to just show the world that this is what's going on and I'm only going to show them the good side, but it just it. It it gave us hope, Like, no matter what was going on in my life while you were battling, I was hopeful because I knew what you were doing. I guess, if that makes sense, yeah, thank you.
Speaker 3:Thank you. I didn't show all of the bad, the bad parts, because nobody wants to really hear about the bad parts, but there really weren't a lot of them I did. I didn't ever have a pity party. I never was like, oh, why me? Oh, poor me, this is so unfair. I never felt anything like that. I did on occasion have what I call them blue days, where I would kind of let my imagination run away with me and I would see myself like so skinny and dying and then in the coffin and wondering about, like not that I would be in a coffin, cause I probably wouldn't be, but anyway, like that was just my vision, wondering like, how would people, how would it affect people without me here, specifically, so obviously, my mom, my sister, my friends, um, so I did have a few moments of that.
Speaker 3:Steroids made me grouchy. I told my doctor I'm not taking them and she was like don't take them. And I was like, great, she also, um, cut down cause they, they for my chemo. It was very strong and they gave me part of the protocol I guess is steroids ahead of time to help you from getting sick, and she cut down the steroids on that as much as she could. She actually wanted to go to zero, but the pharmacist wouldn't allow that because they were like no, she'll get sick. So I was lucky that I had somebody listen to me, but I did get grouchy with those steroids. They made me want to claw my skin off. It was not good.
Speaker 3:But other than that, I mean I really I don't know if you've ever read the thing that I wrote, but after my surgery, after my lumpectomy, and I had taken a pink boa and they were pushing me out in the wheelchair, and I wrote but after my surgery, after my lumpectomy, and I had taken a pink boa and they were pushing me out in the wheelchair and I'd forgotten my pink boa in the car and I was like, oh wait, you got to repush me out. And the nurse was like what? And I'm like I got to have the boa. So I got the boa. I'm really really sure that the nurse was rolling her eyes at me. So I put my boa on. My friend was there with me, my family was in the car and evidently I said, look, if it's not fun, I'm not doing it. And that is kind of the way that I looked at it and I, I will say I had so much support, every single chemo treatment. Somebody else would take me. A different friend would come forward and take me and sit with me. Somebody else would take me A different friend would come forward and take me and sit with me. And every single one.
Speaker 3:I was never afraid of chemo, I embraced it. I was like heck, yeah, bring me the chemo, I'm staying alive. Looking at all the people in there, some of them you knew weren't going to make it. It could have been a sad situation and I was like, heck, look how far we've come. Look at this, this, what all we have to do to help people. So I was always very thankful when I got into the infusion area and every single time when they bring it to me to start infusing me, I would ask the nurse and whoever was with me to pray. And so whoever was there like maybe it was me, maybe it was one of them, it didn't really matter, but we would pray on the chemo and I think that maybe that helped because I was like, thankful, I was thankful for it.
Speaker 2:Living with gratitude.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and what I'm hearing also is a consciousness around all of this that it wasn't that you were a conscious participant in your healing story. Whether it was, I'm going to look for the fun, I'm going to be consciously grateful, I am going to welcome the support of others and invite them into this journey with me. Diana, you've shared that you were a part of this story and all of you were. That you were sharing openly and freely, and I have to believe that part, a big chunk, of your healing story is this openness and this connection and this consciousness around it. I don't want to put words in your mouth. That's, that's what I'm hearing from what you're showing.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think it was very conscious, conscious on my part, like the steps that I took. Um, it was not accident. I didn't go into the accidentally willy nilly like oh, what's going to happen. I didn't do a lot of research, um into chemo or anything, Cause I was like I don't really need to know all that business. You know, I just knew that I was going to go bald and, um that I might have some stomach issues and that I'd probably get tired. I never had stomach issues. I did go bald and I got tired, but not like tired. I still rode my horse, I walked a few times but I didn't sleep. You know I take naps in the afternoon and I am not a napper, so that was a big difference.
Speaker 1:Okay. So you just said a little something that I wanted I want you to talk more about. You said you rode your horse, and I didn't know that you had a horse or a horse. So I'm thinking there's gotta be some animal connection here. That was probably part of your healing journey as well. Can you? Can you talk about that a little bit?
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 1:I'm looking at the expression on your face right now and I'm feeling all of it.
Speaker 3:I'm probably going to cry. I loved my horse. I call him my equine soulmate. His name was Coda.
Speaker 3:When I got him he was a horse that not many people wanted or anybody had really wanted at that point. I bought him from a woman who we knew who sells horses, and we were taking classes and stuff and like doing different trail rides and stuff. Oh, I'm going to cry. So I rode him and I knew instantly that he was my guy and and I bought him and she was like you don't want this horse? And I was like, oh, yes, I do. And people would make fun of him Like you bought that horse. I'm like, yeah, I love this horse and I promised him that I would never put him in a situation that would make him scared and he never offered to fuck me off or anything and he was not like super well-trained he was. He had a lot of fear. I'll say he had a lot of fear and I don't know. I just loved him so much and so during that time I would still go out and feed him and stuff.
Speaker 3:And this one particular day I remember my mom came over and I rode Koda and I was pretty tired, so when I got off. I just sat on the little mounting block and he was standing next to me in a like pasture of excuse me, I'm getting all choked up a pasture of green grass and you know, horses like to graze. Right, he did not graze, he stood like a statue next to me. Graze, right, he did not graze. He stood like a statue next to me and every few minutes he would turn his head to the left and look down at me and just wait, and I know that he was just like loving me and helping me heal that horse.
Speaker 3:I mean, it sounds kind of dorky but like, really you changed my life and I know I changed his. And yes, there was definitely an animal healing session going on with him. He definitely even just feeding him, even if I wasn't riding. And I had other horses too, but and I love them, don't get me wrong, but Koda was my, he was my guy and just the way he would look at me, he was just so gentle with me during that time in particular, like he knew and I'm sure he did know like he could probably smell the chemo in me and he just took care of me. He took care of my heart.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's beautiful and people are listening right now and they can't see. But what happened as soon as you started talking about Coda, your little friend with the striped tail, coming into the picture and wanting to be sure you're OK and share some love with you too?
Speaker 3:That's my daughter's cat and she's really not that friendly, but she's being very friendly right now. So yes, you know her.
Speaker 2:That's beautiful Because I think we've talked a little bit too about just you know energy and you know Reiki and that sort of thing, and there's so much energy and healing in animals I mean just what they bring and their groundedness and their connection to nature that as humans I think we forget about that. We let go at some point, and so when, even if you're not outside in the pasture, but if you could connect with those animals and I know I mean I've seen lots of posts with your horse, beautiful Koda, and just being able to even touch Koda probably would give you a sense of healing especially.
Speaker 3:Oh, yeah, for sure. I mean, horses are definitely here to, to help and guide us. They're very all animals. All animals are wonderful and I think all animals have the capacity, but there's something especially strong with the connection between a human and their horse, yeah, so much in the work I do and I have several students who do their internships at equine assisted therapy places, you know.
Speaker 2:And so, whether it's for physical health, for mental health, just the benefits of riding a horse, horse, of brushing a horse, are so much research, yeah, wonderful and there's some, you know research that their heart rate will bring yours down.
Speaker 3:You know like they literally can calm you and you know they always say don't show fear. The horse can tell what I mean. The horse can tell they intuitively mean. The horse can tell they intuitively pick it up. They're just very, very intuitive, knowing animals, and I'm so thankful that I had Coda.
Speaker 2:Yeah, even the stride, like when I first thought, oh wait, why are you going on a horse? If you're weak, if you're tired, maybe you shouldn't be on the horse. But I could imagine even I hear about the stride of the horse and the way their hips move and how that kind of relaxes your body and gets you kind of in sync with it, which is, yeah, that's beautiful.
Speaker 1:I guess maybe like rocking right, like there's something, yeah, so we've talked about kind of childbirth parenting.
Speaker 2:You mentioned the separation from your husband and then going through breast cancer and then fighting it and beating it, and I also know that your husband passed away, as did Sophie's dad. Two huge losses, two wonderful men in your life and you showed up for everybody around you. You have showed up for your daughter at all times, giving her hope also, and I know that she's had her own struggles. So as a parent, as a partner that has dealt with some pretty heavy blows, pretty serious blows, I wonder if you can even talk about how you I'm not going to say you found hope. It didn't just pop up on you, but how did you continue to see that the sky is blue during these really heavy times?
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, well, with Sophie's dad, danny, he actually helped me with that, unknowingly, because he was so completely himself, he wasn't afraid, he was just more of himself than I had ever seen him be through the years. He would just talk to us. He was just, I don't know. It was a very beautiful death. I don't know, it was a very beautiful death. And I remember talking to one of my friends and saying I've never in my life wanted something to end as much as I want this to and to never end as much as I want this to, because it was so beautiful but so heartbreaking.
Speaker 3:It's so beautiful but, so heartbreaking, yeah, and I mean, if I can put myself back in that time and just feel like the overwhelming pre-grief I guess you would call it like knowing he was going to go and then like from week to week or day to day, however often we would be seeing him, the changes, the physical changes in his body. But even with that, he was still just so wholly himself and I grabbed onto that and I just was so thankful because I think if he had been afraid or crying it would have been a lot harder on everyone else. I can only speak for myself. What I did was hold on to that so that I could remind people specifically selfie. But I also. He has other children. I wanted I held his memory and I hold it so strongly so that I can remind them of who he was, how he loved them. I feel like I never answered the question. I'm just like blah, blah, blah, blah blah, you're answering gorgeously and thank you.
Speaker 3:Thank you, but specifically, once again, it was a conscious choice on my part to to feel the real, real sadness of the moment and to appreciate the beauty of it. And it's like you said earlier, don, I think it's like it's the duality of life. Like you can have the most magnificent situation and there are horrible things going on, like there's no, if I don't even know what I'm saying, but both can exist and both do exist and it's the duality of life. And so for me, again, like being hopeful during that time like I mean I knew he was going to die, there was no two ways about it time, like I mean I knew he was going to die, there was no two ways about it.
Speaker 3:Um, but hope in, like the love that was created and I will hand it to Chris, my husband at that time, like he would drive over to see Danny's like an hour and a half and just to play checkers with him, and so that gave me hope, to like all the love. It was just like it was really, really beautiful and I hope that the kids can see that one day. I'm not sure that they see it quite yet. It's been a while now that he died, but that was their dad and they were very young. So but I will, I promise you children, sophie and all of you others, I have him in my heart and I will share him with you whenever you want.
Speaker 2:That's beautiful.
Speaker 1:It is and it moves me so deeply. Thank you so much for sharing all of that, and I know that others right now are being so moved and touched as they hear that it's for those of us and most of us right have experienced the journey of death and we've lost someone of import to us. The thing we don't often talk about is the profound beauty and grace and love that exists. We talk, of course, of birth and as people come into this world and how beautiful and profound and all of that, but death can and does resonate in similarly and and heartbreaking also, but just profoundly, profoundly beautiful as well. It's an incredible thing.
Speaker 3:I agree.
Speaker 1:Thank you for sharing that story. I'm feeling all of it.
Speaker 3:Me too. I'm crying over here. Thanks, danny. He's probably like oh my god.
Speaker 2:We touched base recently. One of the things you shared is kind of this new path. You know I I mentioned you did social work. You shared you worked at the da's office, you've done the, the furniture refinishing, you've done um real estate and now you're kind of looking into exploring the death doula experience.
Speaker 3:Yes, yes, yes, yes yes.
Speaker 2:Makes sense. You see the sadness, you see the beauty, you see the hope all at one time. So just share a little bit about that.
Speaker 3:Well, so when I got my, when I was working on my master's degree, I got I told you this I got my master's in counseling psychology and I specifically wanted to work with in the hospice arena. I got I told you this I got my master's in counseling psychology and I specifically wanted to work with in in the hospice arena. I created an internship at project transitions in Austin where I did like um individual therapy with families, and then I would just go and see the guys I will call them guys, cause, um, it was that hospice for people with AIDS and they were mostly men, one woman that I remember and I was like, oh, if ever a thing I was born to do, it was to be with these people. Like I loved it and I think it came from my childhood being with my grandparents in Haskell, cause, I mean, lord knows, they'd take me to funerals all the time. I was never afraid of death. Like I would go and like look at the bodies and stuff and that go after church with Smitty, we'd go to the nursing home, and I love a nursing home, I love the smell of it, I love the like these people are all obviously nearing the end of their lives. I love that feeling.
Speaker 3:So I knew like this is what I'm supposed to do, until I got out of school and realized no, no, no, I had the wrong degree. So I didn't get to do that at that time and that's okay, because I have had such such a great career working with people, with the most beautiful people at the hardest times of their lives, and I wouldn't trade that for all the tears that I've shed, for all the things I've probably yelled at the sky. Um, but I wouldn't change that for for a minute. Now I'm not doing that anymore. Yeah, I love real estate. I love getting people into their homes, like that's. It's really cool. It's not easy, but it's a lot easier than like sharing your heart with somebody when their family member's dying. You know like it's a different kind of hard, but at any rate, I just was like dang man, I got to do something. So I looked into becoming a death doula. So I'm going to start in January and I'm very excited about that.
Speaker 3:I recently applied for a job at a hospice. I don't know if I'll get it or not, but it's just a part-time job, being like a bereavement counselor, which y'all send me some good vibes because that would be really great. Yeah, and then what I? My goal is to work as a death doula, which I guess people prefer the name end of life doula, because everybody's afraid of death right, but to work with them. But then I was like, but that's not the end.
Speaker 3:And so now I'm trying to make it bigger, to include life coaching, but and I, I know how to bridge it, like if I'm with a person but I don't know how I'll bridge it, um, as a business, but it's not going to stop. I don't want it to stop with a death. Like I want to continue to work with the families and help them step back into joy, because, like we keep talking about it and help them step back into joy, because, like we keep talking about it, like it's the duality, the dichotomy of, like the hard and the beautiful, the sad and the gratefulness. And so that is what I plan on doing next year and I'm really excited.
Speaker 1:I can fully see it coming to be. I mean, that's definitely coming from the fire inside of you and I believe those, those sort of inspirations, like they're either, meant to move forward, and so for sure, see you doing that work, and how great to have you doing that work.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh goodness. So I didn't know you when you were little. We've had chats about when we were younger, I know, but I'm curious what you little teenager, leah, 13 years old, would say if she was looking at you today. What would she think? What would she say to you?
Speaker 3:she think what would she say to you? I think she would be like man, oh, I'm going to cry again. I think that she would think I'm pretty cool. I think she would be like, do I get to become like this? Like, is this where I'm going, is this where we're heading?
Speaker 2:And I think she would be like all right it's going to be okay. That's awesome, no doubt.
Speaker 1:No doubt. Oh, I love that. All right. So in this beautiful world, who really inspires you, who brings hope to you? Who do you turn to? I guess those are all different questions.
Speaker 3:Because I'll be answering like a million questions as I go. Okay, I'm not going to talk. Well, my daughter inspires me because she has really had a pretty rough life and is coming through it and she's okay, she's going to be okay and I know there are beautiful things ahead of her, but there were many, many times when she did not feel the hope. So that's inspiring to me because she is coming through it and yay, yay for that and I'm going to talk, talk. I've known so many people, like I've said, like I have another person, woman, who's very close to me. Her daughter was also murdered. The grace and beauty that she has gone through that and like watching her it's been a while now since Jennifer was murdered watching her evolution and how she kind of transmitted her grief into working with women who are in domestic violence situations, and to watch her like I won't say become whole, because there's always going to be a piece of her heart missing, but for kind of to grow around that very inspiring. So I'm just going to keep it brief.
Speaker 3:I am inspired by people, I am inspired by the underdog, I am inspired by homeless people on the street who are out there asking for money. I really am Like I try to give them money all the time. I have another crazy story, which we probably don't have time to get into, about a situation with a homeless man and it was just like blowing insanity. Yeah, I'm inspired by the underdog. I'm inspired by people who are like this sucks and I'm going to keep trying. Yeah, and a real inspiration in Our Lady of Guadalupe, which is super random I'm not Catholic but I don't know. I have a real relationship with her and she inspires me and I ask her all the time help me.
Speaker 1:So beautiful, I gosh. I wish we had like three hours, Cause I want to hear all of these are all good and I'm hoping that Leah, you and I can continue to have conversations I know you have.
Speaker 3:Yes, ma'am, we're friends now too, right? Yeah, exactly, I'm like oh, we got to get a group chat going.
Speaker 1:A hundred percent. Oh, my goodness, the stories to share. Okay, god, I loved your response to that about that inspiration and the underdog and so many of us. That's just a. That's some magic. We need to hear is just looking at people differently and seeing wow, that is some incredible human strength to come at certain of life experiences and say you know what, I'm going to strive for more, I am going to survive, I'm going to find a way. Oh, that's good stuff. Okay, my friend, do you have a sort of like a mantra or a life philosophy, a motto, a go-to phrase that really works for you?
Speaker 3:Well, I do actually have a mantra because I just recently, in the past month, over a month started doing Kundalini yoga. So an actual mantra Sat Nam that I do and it means I am truth, or the truth is here. So that is something that I believe. I actually got it tattooed above my Our Lady of Guadalupe tattoo. Y'all think I'm crazy, like no, I really love her.
Speaker 1:We don't think you're crazy at all.
Speaker 3:But I also believe. A long time ago my stepmother gave me this little plaque thing and it says and you might've seen it, diana, cause I've had it, I had it in the office If the eyes had no tears, the soul would have no rainbow.
Speaker 2:Beautiful. Yeah, that is. I mean you need beauty, is only beauty, because there's pain. I mean that's, that's why something is so beautiful. So, yeah, so, leah, I know you love music. I do Think of you. Know how people have like they're walking to stage, they're going on to people have like they're walking to the stage, they're going on to their TED Talk, they're walking out to you know the Oprah show and their song plays. They have their walk-in song. What is your walk-in song?
Speaker 3:Oh, my God. Okay, well, I have two of them, but that's hilarious because the Spotify rap came out today and I have, like my hype song and it happened to be my number one song for this year and I'm so excited Like I'm crying again because I'm so excited about it and y'all are going to be like what? But it's Juice by Lizzo. Yes, nice song.
Speaker 2:Excellent, nice song.
Speaker 1:Excellent, it works.
Speaker 3:It just makes me laugh, it makes me so happy. She's so sassy and I'm like, yeah, and part of it's like, if I'm shining, everybody's going to shine. And that's literally my prayer every day that, like I can be the brightest like light from, not like ego, but like light from above, so that other people can be the brightest like light from, not like ego, but like light from above, so that other people can see their best. And I'm like, yeah, lizzo, you know, so that's a whole Lizzo vibe also, right yeah yeah, except for when you start telling people they were fat.
Speaker 3:But anyway, yeah, yeah, everybody again, duality. Um, so that's my like funny one, but probably my one that I live by most would be let it be love it that's good words to live by, all right.
Speaker 1:So, along this journey, and all of its many turns and all the stories along the way, there comes a point for all of us. When we move on from this plane, and as you do, how would you hope? What's the legacy that you hope to have left behind, or how would you hope to be remembered?
Speaker 3:I would like to be remembered as somebody who embraced life as somebody who embraced life, lived with joy and loved to laugh.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, I was going to say that I already think of you, of all of those things.
Speaker 1:So that's definitely Thank you and it's definitely how you've entered into my heart. So I see that already.
Speaker 2:So so I know we're getting close to the hour mark here. I want to switch us to our little what we call rapid fire and, realizing it's not always rapid fire. Our, our thought was it's like, okay, let's go. It doesn't have to be a one word answer, but we'll just the first thing that comes to your mind, I guess. So what color is hope? Yellow? What does hope sound?
Speaker 3:like Birds.
Speaker 2:Bird song Sure, so fill in the blank. Joy is.
Speaker 3:That wasn't so easy. Joy is allowing yourself. Joy is accepting yourself, accepting others and allowing yourself to love that, both yourself and others, the best that you can. I think that doesn't really cover it. But yeah, joy is love. Joy is love and life and laughter, and all of the beauty and the ugly, everything crammed together and you mix it up like a little bitty recipe and you cook it and out comes joy.
Speaker 1:Yeah my goodness, that's gorgeous.
Speaker 2:All right, so um empathy is heart, heart, yeah, okay, the meaning of life is laughter and hope is uh love. It all goes together. Yeah, joy, hope, love, it's all.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I can't see, I can't separate them, like that's just part of it, and I'm crying again. Y'all got me over here in my feels.
Speaker 1:Well, it only means that you've been very open and real with us and that's everything right. That is also part of this journey. Is that openness and that willingness to share with others, to be real and open with them, I did like there's no other way to live this life. You know, and this is, and this is the the out picturing of that, is this joy, is this connection? I mean, that's, that's how you get there. Thank you so much for making this so real for us, for all of us.
Speaker 3:You're welcome. I told Diane I'm like nothing's off limits. I'm going to try and come as authentically and as real and I hope I did that. So thank you for having me.
Speaker 2:That's what living is right. I mean, if you're not living authentically, are you living?
Speaker 3:Yeah, like don't half butt it Full butt.
Speaker 1:You can say it Full butt, full butt, full butt, life Full butt life.
Speaker 3:I need a bumper sticker. I live a full butt, full butted life. That's so good.
Speaker 2:Usually then we ask you know if there's anything going on, if, like, you want people to find you. I know you're a realtor. I don't know if you want to share that information If people want to find you on the real estate scene. I know down the road you're going to finish your doula and a life training and we can definitely share that information once you have that ready to share. But do you want to share any information if people wanted to find you?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think the easiest way would probably be my Instagram, and it's just Leah T Sells, Texas spelled out.
Speaker 2:Leah T Sells, texas. Yes, she does. I mean go big girl, go big.
Speaker 3:I love me some Texas Right.
Speaker 2:Well, I just love, leah, that you were willing to come on and chat with us and just kind of share your story and the message of hope that you share, as I said again and again and again with me, but also just to be able to share it with my sister and with everybody. I'm so excited, yeah, yeah, and I know we're going to stay in touch and I'm going to keep watching this journey and I think you know so much of what I'm doing and what you're doing. I think that it's just going to kind of keep going.
Speaker 3:We're going to be having, we're going to be having conversations, all three of us.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:A lot, lot more to be said here, absolutely, absolutely, love and light and blessings to you. Thank you so much for sharing this time with us. Oh, my goodness, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 3:Thank you. Thank you for having me. Bye y'all.
Speaker 1:Thanks for joining us today on Soul Sisteries stories as well and keep the conversation going, absolutely keeping the hope going. So we're really hopeful that you'll connect with our guests as well, who have great stories to share. Go ahead and follow them in various social media platforms or live venues, wherever it is that they're performing and sharing what they do.
Speaker 2:We would love to have you follow us on all of our social media platforms, subscribe and rate, as that will help us get our message of hope out to others. Thanks for listening to Soul Sisteries.
